Because I'm Broken When I'm Lonely
by misswhiteblack
Summary: She knows that it doesn't matter what has happened because her brothers will always protect her ...


There are some things that she could never see coming and she could never have seen him coming. She could never have imagined the things that would happen to her. It wasn't as though she was naive. She had a good understanding of the things that went on in the world and that not everything is a fairytale. Still she seemed to have walked blindly into this situation and she had been warned about it. All her friends had warned her, her cousins had warned her. She hadn't paid attention though. She hadn't really thought about the reasons that they were warning her off. She knew that she should have probably listened to them but then she had always been an act first ask questions later kind of girl. Anyone who knew her could tell that. She had always been the one who could take a blind leap of faith and always tried to see the best in everyone. She just didn't understand how things had worked out this way. After all, she had loved him to the best of her ability and she just didn't understand why he couldn't see that. When she had first met him she had thought he was the answer to her dreams and even though she had been warned by so many people she still fell for him hook, line and sinker.

Now everything was falling apart in front of her and she could still feel every bruise that he had ever given her. They seemed to lace her arms in circles and she was glad that she knew basically healing spells so that she could cover them up so no one would notice. She felt completely alone. He had seemed to know what he was doing by wearing her down mentally until she believed that there was no one she could turn to before he started the physical abuse. Her friends had become like distant memories and she hadn't seen her family for months. She had ignored their owls as though tempting them to come round to see her. It didn't matter because no matter what she did it was always wrong in his eyes. She just wanted to sleep all the time as though desperate to be unaware of what her life had become and she wanted to just peacefully slip away so she would never have to put up with this anymore. She knew the reasons that women stayed with their abusers. They loved them or they were too frightened but she was terribly ashamed as well. She had always been the strong one and she couldn't quite believe that this was happening to her. She did love him and that was why she stayed but she was frightened to tell someone and not because she was frightened that he would hurt her. She knew that her family would protect her. She was frightened about what her father, her brothers, her cousins, her uncles, her grandfather and her friends would do if they found out and what would happen to them. Mostly she stayed because she was ashamed, too ashamed to let anyone know what was happening to her.

So she endured and tried to be perfect. It was never good enough though and she spent so much time trying to keep the smile on her face but she knew that the smile was weak. She really wanted to be taken away from it all and to never have to see his face again. She felt so broken. Her life had been robbed from her and not by Death but by control. She couldn't stop it and it wasn't just his fists she had to be scared of. He had become very apt at the torture curse and nowadays it seemed to be almost like his best friend. She wished she had listened when she had been warned that he was no good. She was paying the price for her act first attitude and her belief at seeing the good in everyone. She just wanted to help him. He was the broken boy that had captured her heart with his plight and his haunted eyes that came from an abusive home. She had wanted nothing more than to save him but now there was no one to save her.

She knew he felt powerful. He was in perfect control of the only daughter of Harry Potter, the boy-who-live-to-conquer-the-dark-lord. She felt sick that she had given into the first blows time and time again because she thought that she could save him. She had her father's hero complex and she could almost hear her mother's voice in her ear as she thought that. Her mother had told her that so many times because she always wanted to be the hero. When she was little she never played the princess, she was always the knight on his white steed rushing into the rescue. She believed that she could save anyone but now that childish dream had been shattered because she knew that there was no way she could have ever saved him. He could only save himself.

So there she was again and sobbing mass upon the floor, littered with bruises and possibly broken ribs as he stalks out of the front door of their flat once more. She doesn't move from her fetal position for at least ten minutes and the whole time hot tears pour down her face, stinging her eyes. Her head throbs and she cries out a little as she finally relaxes. She gets unsteadily to her feet and makes her way into her bedroom not bothering to glance in the mirror all too aware of what she will see. Her whole body aches as she sits down on the edge of her bed and she pulls her knees up under her chin and just shakes like she cannot stop. She hears the front door slam and she freezes in her position because surely he cannot be back already.

'Lily,' calls Lysander's voice.

Lily panics because what the hell is Lysander doing here? What is she going to tell him? She can't go out looking like this and she can hear his footsteps coming down the hallway, closer and closer. She can't move. She is frozen to the spot and the door gently creaks open.

'Lily, are you in here?' asks Lysander as his face appears round the door grinning, his dark blond hair in its usual wayward style. He hasn't changed a bit since she last seen him and the thought makes her want to cry. As soon as he catches sight of her though his grin promptly disappears and the colour in his face drains away.

'Lily,' he says as he strides towards her his voice full of concern, 'what happened?'

And she promptly dissolves into tears at the concern in his voice. He sits down beside her and takes her face in his large hands. He is used to seeing her with all sorts of injuries from playing Quidditch but he instantly knows that these injuries are different and it doesn't take him long to put two and two together.

'He's fucking hitting you, isn't he?'

Lily can't even answer as she subsides into hysterics. Lysander puts his arm around her shoulders and pulls her towards him and she clutches him terrified that he will suddenly disappear. Her breathing is ragged as Lysander holds her tightly to him and she sobs into his chest. Lysander's anger intensifies as he feels her shaking with tears under his arm and rasping for breath. He has to get her out of there. He squeezes her shoulder and Lily whimpers in pain. He clenches his teeth together in fury. That bastard!

'Come on, Lily,' he says in a tone that is a lot calmer than he feels. 'We're getting out of here.'

He moves to take off his jacket in order to wrap it round her but find that she is clinging to him so tightly that he can't do so. Instead, he pulls her onto his lap and tucks his free arm underneath her knees. He stands up cradling her close to his chest and feels a fresh wave of anger when he realises how light she is. He should have known something was going on from the moment James had said he'd hadn't heard from her for a while.

He doesn't even bother to grab her any clothes. He takes her keys off the hook by the door and bangs the door shut behind them. He is relieved that he has brought the car with him instead of the apparating. He doesn't know if she can stand it. He is careful not to jolt her as he goes down the stairs and then sidles sideways out of the front door making sure that she doesn't hit her head. He is parked directly outside the building and luckily the passenger door is next to the pavement. He opens the door and settles Lily in the seat. After he fastens her seat belt he manages to pry her hands from his t-shirt before he whips off his jacket and tucks it in around her. He shuts the door softly feeling sick to the bone at the sight of her swollen face and red eyes.

James Sirius Potter and Olivia Black are curled up on the couch in front of the television eating Chinese take-away when the front door of their flat opens with a bang as though it had been kicked. James leaps to his feet, drawing his wand, with his plate still in his hand and puts himself firmly between Olly and the door expecting to be attacked at any moment. Instead, Lysander comes into the room with a girl in his arms.

'What the hell?' asks James as Lysander strides past them and into their spare room. Lysander doesn't usually decide to visit unless Lily was with him and even then he usually knocks first.

James glances at Olly who shrugs.

'I have absolutely no idea,' she tells him as she gets to her feet.

'You two better get in here,' Lysander roars his rage obvious in his voice.

'Great,' mutters James knowing what Lysander's temper is like as he and Olly make their way through to the spare room. Lysander doesn't get angry easily and when he does it takes ages to calm him down.

As they enter the room the first thing they see is Lysander pacing up and down the room fury on his face. James' eyes then go to the bed where he sees his baby sister laying on the bed her red hair spread across the pillow and her face bruised and swollen. There is a moment of suspended disbelief as James drops his plate and then dashes over to the bed.

'Lils?' he asks as he sits on the bed next to her staring at her intently and he can feel the bile rising in his throat like the panic that feels set to overcome him. Lily doesn't look at him and the shame on her face makes Lysander roar with rage.

'That fucking bastard,' he storms making James and Olly look round at him.

'What? Liam?' asks Olly horror filling her eyes before she moves swiftly to the other side of Lily.

'WHAT?' thunders James jumping to his feet. 'Did he do that?'

He is looking at Lysander now as he points at Lily's face. Lysander can't speak and just gives him a sharp nod. James is shaking in anger, his fists clenched by his sides.

'We should phone your dad,' says Olly angrily brushing back Lily's hair so she can look at her face properly.

'Fuck waiting for Harry,' growls Lysander, 'James and I will fucking deal with the little coward.'

'Let's go fucking now,' James rumbles as he turns towards the door.

Lily sits up quickly ignoring the spinning of her head and her hand shoots out and she grabs the hem of James' t-shirt.

'No,' she croaks her voice raw from sobbing.

'Lily,' coaxes Olly gently as she shakes with anger, 'you need to lie back.'

'No please James,' pleads Lily tears glistening in her eyes again. 'Don't. Sander.'

She stretches her other arm out towards Lysander ignoring what Olly is saying. Lysander immediately goes towards her and takes her hand in his.

'He's deserves to die,' he tells her softly as James just stares down at her, his face looking a little more than heartbroken.

'No please,' she begs. 'Don't leave me.'

James' eyes soften and he sinks back down on the bed beside her holding her hands in his and she can feel that one of them is shaking but she isn't sure which one of them in is.

'Olly's right here,' he tells her gently. 'She'll look after you.'

Olly fumes a little. She knows someone has to stay and look after Lily but she was perfectly happy to go with James and Lysander to crush Liam Carmichael into the ground like the cockroach he is.

'No, you can't,' she cries not hearing James because she is so scared for them and she doesn't want them to get into trouble especially when it is all her fault and she should have been stronger. 'Don't go after him.'

She then subsides into tears. James' reaction is automatic and he draws her closer to him until she is sat cradled in his lap, crying into his shoulder. He has always done it. Ever since she has been five years old and she had broken her arm by falling out of a tree. Every time she was hurt or crying James always felt that it was his responsibility to make her feel better, his responsibility to makes those who hurt her pay. He blames himself. He should have known something was wrong. He is her big brother after all. He should have been checking up on her.

'Why didn't you tell me?' he whispers softly into her hair.

'I couldn't,' she whispers back through her tears. 'I knew what you would do and I didn't want you to see what I have become.'

'Oh Lils,' he sighs and clutches her tighter to him. 'I wish you had told me.'

Lily doesn't respond and James looks up at Lysander over her head. Lysander is watching Lily, his eyes in turmoil, a mixture of rage and fear. He looks up to meet James' eyes and James can see the question in them. He shifts his gaze to Olly who has noticed their silent exchange and then gives Lysander a brief nod.

'Call them,' James answers Lysander's silent question softly.

Lily doesn't seem to hear him and therefore doesn't speak up. Lysander immediately whips his mobile phone out of his pocket and dials a number. He waits until someone picks up on the other end. James can hear the familiar voice very faintly though not enough to hear what it has said. Lysander smiles grimly.

'You better get here quick.'

Lily has never felt better to be in her father's embrace. He had come into the room, taken one look at her and then pulled her into his arms and held there as she howled like a dog. She knows that others had arrived. She has heard their voices quietly in the distance, her grandfather, Uncle Bill, Aunt Fleur, Uncle Charlie, Uncle George, Aunt Angelina, Uncle Ron, Aunt Hermione, her mother, Uncle Percy, Louis, Fred, Hugo and Albus. They had all come to gather around her. She knows what they were going to do and she knows that she has no hope of telling them not too. She wonders if they will kill him. She is torn between what she wants. She wants them to kill him because of what he has reduced her too, because of what he had done to her but on the other hand she doesn't want any of them getting into trouble because of her and her inability to listen to people. She can hear more voices as people arrived, Teddy, Victoire, Dominique, Molly, Lorcan, Lucy, Roxanne, Rose, Aunt Luna, Uncle Rolf, Sage Longbottom and even Olly's twin brother. There are so many voices but she doesn't look up from where she has buried her face in her father's chest.

'I'm so sorry,' she whispers into the material of his robes. 'I'm so so sorry.'

'You have nothing to be sorry for, princess,' Harry whispers to her as he hugs her tighter, tears slipping down his face. 'This is not your fault. Don't worry we'll take care of it.'

He leaved her then with a brief kiss on her forehead before he sweeps out of the room to talk to the others that are grouped in James and Olly's little living room. Lily lies back in the bed and looks around the almost empty room. Lysander is still hovering by her bed, looking at her as though she might disappear if he blinks. He sits down on the bed beside her and takes her hand in his gently.

'We are going to get him for you, Lils,' he says in a low growl. 'We're going to make him pay for what he has done to you.'

The tone of his voice makes Lily shiver but she sits forward a little and puts her hand on Lysander's shoulder. She feels a lot older than her nineteen years at this moment. Lysander puts his other hand up to meet hers and then turns to look at her directly in the eye. She knows she cannot dissuade him from doing what he feels he must just like she cannot dissuade any of her male relatives from hunting Liam down and torturing him.

'Be careful,' she whispers to him because she cannot bear the idea of anything happening to him on her behalf.

'Of course, Lils,' he tells her before he leaves the room.

His space is almost immediately taken by her mother who looks as though she has been crying nonstop for an hour. Lily feels quite weak as Ginny wraps her daughter in her arms and then makes her lie back against the pillows.

Lily knew that the men had gone because the room is suddenly full of her female relatives all fussing over her. It makes her feel quite tired and she closes her eyes to try and drown them out. She has been so tired for a while now and she is used to resorting to sleep just so she can escape the world for a little while, to be rid of him for a little while. Now when she closes her eyes she can see his face and it makes her panic. She sits back up her eyes wide and realises that the room is in darkness and that there is nobody there except Olly who is sitting on the floor by the bed.

'How are you?' Olly whispers although Lily isn't quite sure why she is whispering. She can't speak and so just nods in return. She doesn't hurt so much anymore and in the back of her mind she is aware that her injuries would have been healed by one of her many relatives.

'Are they back yet?' she finally manages to croak out after a few minutes of struggling to form the words.

'Not yet,' Olly tells her in a soft voice glancing at the door. Lily wonders how long she had been asleep. She wonders about her brothers and Lysander and all the members of her family that are so ready to protect her. She wants them to come home now and not to bother with Liam. He isn't worth it. She glances at Olly who doesn't look a bit uncomfortable for all she is sitting on the floor. She has known Olly all her life. She has been James' best friend since they were babies and soon she is going to become her sister-in-law. Lily found it a little strange that James fell for Olly considering they are best friends. She thought that it would be awkward. She supposes that is why she has never said anything to Lysander. She doesn't want their friendship to become awkward. Yet look what that had gotten her into. She knows that she shouldn't have been scared.

'When did you realise that you liked my brother?' Lily aks Olly suddenly.

Olly looks up a little startled at the question.

'At the beginning of our seventh year,' says Olly lightly a small smile on her face. 'I thought I was being stupid. James and I had been best friends for too long, it would just be weird, awkward.'

'That's what I thought,' says Lily quietly sitting forward. 'I thought your relationship would be awkward but it isn't. You two are really, genuinely happy together.'

Olly smiles a little and opens her mouth to say something when the front door slams. Olly's eyes fly to the bedroom door as do Lily's and they wait until the door creaks open and James is standing there with Albus by his side. They come into the room without a word and Olly gets to her feet. James kisses her hello.

'Give us a moment love,' he says softly and Olly nods then leaves the room. James and Albus then turn to look at Lily and she just manages a weak smile. They both move towards her and Al sits down on her right side as James sits down on her left. She draws breath nervously at the serious looks on both their faces.

'He's in Azkaban,' Albus says breaking the silent tension and Lily gives a sigh of relief.

'Dad wanted to kill him,' says James with a small smile, 'we all did but Sander said that isn't what you would want and so we took him to the Ministry of Magic and handed him over to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement.'

'His trial will be next week,' Al continues on from James. 'Aunt Hermione said she will have him prosecuted to the full extent of the law.'

Lily looks between her two brothers and she can feel the tears threatening to spill at the back of her eyes.

'Thank you,' she stutters tears looking down at her slightly shaking hands.

'Lily,' James' voice breaks and she looks at him to see the tears shining in his eyes as he looks at her, 'I never want to have to see you like this again. Merlin Lils, it's killing me to know what he did to you.'

Lily can't speak as James envelops her in a cuddle that Albus quickly joins and the dam breaks once again and she has no idea where these new tears are coming from. She can feel them hot and salty on her face. She can tell that James is crying and Al was too and it makes her cry even harder as she throws an arm around each of them and tries to pull them tighter to her. After all, she has been through in the last few months she had forgotten what real love is like and she knows that it doesn't matter what has happened because her brothers will always protect her.

* * *

_This story was originally very explict.  
I decided to tone it down.  
I hope you like it.  
&& I'd love some reviews.  
Whether you like it or not.  
Please remember I appreciate Constructive Criticism.  
Not nastiness.  
Thats just not nice._

Kerr X.


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